Gahh

Long time no post!
I have been waaaay to busy!
So many parts of life just feel like a chore at the moment, very few things are making me happy. I don't want to sound depressed, cos its not like I can't be happy, when I am with some people I am very very happy. But I hate being alone at all now. Which is reaaally wierd considering I used to LOVE having time to myself. Now I just feel lonely. Doesn't help that someone is angry at me when I didn't even do anything! I'm sick of being accused of things I didn't do.
Relationships are complicated, I dont just mean boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I mean any in general. I'm really trying to work on my relationship with my mum, cos its not that great at the moment. There are friends who I need to make more of an effort with. Relationships with your boyfriend always need to develop, but I think the relationship I'm struggling with most at the moment is my relationship with God, its really not to great, which I hate but I don't know what to do!
Gah all I really want to do is cuddle up to Heydn, then life seems perfect and I don't have to worry about anything. But I can't do that All the time, I can't hide from my problems like I am. I really need to sort myself out.
I'm a mess to be honest and I don't even understand WHY, my thoughts are just all over the place and so are my feelings and I feel like I can't control anything anymore. Life is just one big blur half the time.
I can't stand being like this.