Tomorrow in a bottle

I waited for the day that
Together we can find another way back
But everything we've got at stake
Lets worry about today and put tomorrow in a bottle
If there's some way that we can take back
The wrong that we've created
We can change that
Don't turn your head the other way
You're gunna save today
But tomorrow in a bottle
Let's put tomorrow in a bottle



Tomorrows are scary at the moment. I know that probably doesn't make much sense but with such huge things going on at the moment each day is scarier then the previous. My whole life is scary at the moment, but also very very exciting. I wish I could just tell my friends why this is, but I can't, not yet.
But anyway, I don't want to think of tomorrow, or the day after (not just in this exact day, I mean in general) even though that would be a smart thing to do. I want to only think about today and live for the day. Yes I'm being ignorant, I don't care.

Gahh

Long time no post!
I have been waaaay to busy!
So many parts of life just feel like a chore at the moment, very few things are making me happy. I don't want to sound depressed, cos its not like I can't be happy, when I am with some people I am very very happy. But I hate being alone at all now. Which is reaaally wierd considering I used to LOVE having time to myself. Now I just feel lonely. Doesn't help that someone is angry at me when I didn't even do anything! I'm sick of being accused of things I didn't do.
Relationships are complicated, I dont just mean boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I mean any in general. I'm really trying to work on my relationship with my mum, cos its not that great at the moment. There are friends who I need to make more of an effort with. Relationships with your boyfriend always need to develop, but I think the relationship I'm struggling with most at the moment is my relationship with God, its really not to great, which I hate but I don't know what to do!
Gah all I really want to do is cuddle up to Heydn, then life seems perfect and I don't have to worry about anything. But I can't do that All the time, I can't hide from my problems like I am. I really need to sort myself out.
I'm a mess to be honest and I don't even understand WHY, my thoughts are just all over the place and so are my feelings and I feel like I can't control anything anymore. Life is just one big blur half the time.
I can't stand being like this.

Rawwr

Do you know what REALLY pisses me off? People who tell me one thing, then tell someone else something different! If you don't like someone who I ask your opinion on, don't tell me what I want to hear and then go tell others you don't like them, just tell me the damn truth!! Fricking hell I am furious at the moment. Don't tell me something is a good idea then go tell others that its terrible and I shouldn't do it. Tell it to my face. I am SO sick of all the back-stabbing and lying.
Btw i am not just talking about Hagley friends this is about longer friends to, friends who I really trust.
Just tell me the truth, please thats all I ask.

'Sweet surprise I could get used to, unusual you'

So I am incredibly happy at the moment, well over the last few weeks. But 3 of my closest school friends just have me totally confused and some of them are lying, but I trust them all so how the hell am I meant to know what the truth is :S. All I know is that Heydn and I's relationship has been the talk of a few people and its really pissing me off. I hate being talked about, Its private and if I tell you something I don't expect you to go blabbing it to everyone! Your meant to be my friends. One person tells me one thing blaming it on someone else, then they blame it on someone etc. I only want friends I can trust. I absolutly hate being angry at people too, I just want everyone to be happy, so I wish they'd all just sort their shit out and leave Heydn and I ALONE.
Anyway, all I'll say is I never thought I'd find someone so flipping perfect for me, I havn't been this happy in a long time. I really can't believe it :).

'I don't know how it gets better then this'

Well, lots has been going on hehe I am SOO happy :). But peoples opinions are still bugging me. Half of my friends don't agree with a decision i've made, but I mean, if you can't support me then your obviously not really my friend are you?
Its my own business. I want to be with Heydn, nothing anybody says is going to change my mind.
So holidays have been really really good! Been socialising like every single day but thats been fun!! Heather was up :D Did some shopping and we hung with Heydn and Jaine one day hehe.
Annd next week i get to see some friends i havn't seen in ages! Cant wait! I miss Jo and Siobhan though!! Its sooo wierd them not being here! But they are having an amazing time. And Aimee is back tomorrow which is good yaay! Ima go meet her at the airport =)

'You lift my feet off the ground,
Spin me around,
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm fallin,
And I'm lost in your eyes,
You make me crazier, crazier, crazier'

'...it knocks you down...'

I'm so over my head and its crazy. What I want more then anything, and what I think is the right thing to do at the moment are two totally different things and I don't know what to do! If I decide what I really want, nobody, just about none of my friends would support my decision, I know it. But does that make it wrong? They arn't in my shoes, they don't know how I'm feeling. Then of corse I'm only part of the equation. What does he want? Its hard to understand, because he seems to be putting what he thinks is best for me first, but I really don't know if thats best for me arghh everything is just so confusing!
In short, do you follow your heart, or your mind?

Formal Formal Formal and stuff xD

Wow, stuff has been crazy! It was the formal on Saturday =) OMG it was SOOO much fun! Better then I expected! First off got ready, got my hair done at 12, but got there and shes like 'k so u want a wash and cut right' I'm like WHAT NOOOO, formal style! Eeek but she wasn't too busy so she curled my hair and stuff, i looved how it looked :D. Headed to Aimee's at 6, everybody there looked amazing! And then got a limo to Addington, it was really cool, got heaps of photos before the formal. Then everybody got breath tested except me! It was wierd, he said I could just go on through lol I must look very inocent xD. And yeah, partied all night lol. There was pretty good music, the dj was really nice, food was goood (cept ben got food poisoning cos he ate the fish when it got cold =() And yeah, mint az night!
Afterwards was AWSOME! Hehe to begin with I thought it was going to be crap cos I only knew Aimee and Kimbo but it turned out to be lots of fun, haha probably just cos I loosened up with a few drinks, i didn't have much though and didn't get wasted like a few people *cought Aimee cough*. But it was a lot of fun :D
There was one really crappy part of the night, a slow dance, lots of couples, I got upset and I didn't wanna draw attention so just carried on as usual, but it was hard. I thought I was over the whole situation but that point showed me I'm really really not. Which sucks, I want to be in total control of my heart and emotions but sometimes you can't be. I just want to say I'm over him, it doesn't mean anything. But I can't and it drives me mental!! So since then its all been a bit up and down, but thats life.
School isn't that great, pretty much my 2 best Hagley mates don't like hanging out together anymore so I'm smack bang in the middle. It really sux, each lunch i have to choose who I hang with and I just want to hang with both of them!! Its not fair on me but theres nothing I can do about it!
But other then that things are good! Cept lots of people go away in like just over a week? France people at mgs AND Cambodia people at Hagley, maths isn't going to be as fun without Aimee! But they are all going to have an incredible time which will be great :D
But yeah, thats whats going on xD