Mehh

I wrote a whole load of stuff that was probably much too honest and more deep then i've said to anyone in months. But I can't publish that. I need to hide, I just dont feel comfortable telling anyone anything meaningful anymore. I love my son, he is the light of my life. You don't need to know anything more about my life.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/krisheartsmusic

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Everybody is pulling me in different directions but I don't know what the right way is.I don't even know if there is a right way or just two very very different paths I could take, both with their good and bad points. I know what I want but a lot of people don't think its right :( especially my mum and dad. And i'd always look to mum for advice but what do I do when her opinion is something I don't even believe in doing?

Someone told me to blog, but I don't really know where I'm going with this or what to say at all so maybe I will wait till my mind doesn't feel quite so messed up and jumbled. I am way to lost and confused. :S



"I'm in the dark and you're my light
I'm going blind and you're my sight
I feel alive
You set me free I hold you tight
You're in my heart and I'm the knife
I feel alive
You belong to me
Like I belong to you
I feel alive"

Tomorrow in a bottle

I waited for the day that
Together we can find another way back
But everything we've got at stake
Lets worry about today and put tomorrow in a bottle
If there's some way that we can take back
The wrong that we've created
We can change that
Don't turn your head the other way
You're gunna save today
But tomorrow in a bottle
Let's put tomorrow in a bottle



Tomorrows are scary at the moment. I know that probably doesn't make much sense but with such huge things going on at the moment each day is scarier then the previous. My whole life is scary at the moment, but also very very exciting. I wish I could just tell my friends why this is, but I can't, not yet.
But anyway, I don't want to think of tomorrow, or the day after (not just in this exact day, I mean in general) even though that would be a smart thing to do. I want to only think about today and live for the day. Yes I'm being ignorant, I don't care.

Gahh

Long time no post!
I have been waaaay to busy!
So many parts of life just feel like a chore at the moment, very few things are making me happy. I don't want to sound depressed, cos its not like I can't be happy, when I am with some people I am very very happy. But I hate being alone at all now. Which is reaaally wierd considering I used to LOVE having time to myself. Now I just feel lonely. Doesn't help that someone is angry at me when I didn't even do anything! I'm sick of being accused of things I didn't do.
Relationships are complicated, I dont just mean boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I mean any in general. I'm really trying to work on my relationship with my mum, cos its not that great at the moment. There are friends who I need to make more of an effort with. Relationships with your boyfriend always need to develop, but I think the relationship I'm struggling with most at the moment is my relationship with God, its really not to great, which I hate but I don't know what to do!
Gah all I really want to do is cuddle up to Heydn, then life seems perfect and I don't have to worry about anything. But I can't do that All the time, I can't hide from my problems like I am. I really need to sort myself out.
I'm a mess to be honest and I don't even understand WHY, my thoughts are just all over the place and so are my feelings and I feel like I can't control anything anymore. Life is just one big blur half the time.
I can't stand being like this.

Rawwr

Do you know what REALLY pisses me off? People who tell me one thing, then tell someone else something different! If you don't like someone who I ask your opinion on, don't tell me what I want to hear and then go tell others you don't like them, just tell me the damn truth!! Fricking hell I am furious at the moment. Don't tell me something is a good idea then go tell others that its terrible and I shouldn't do it. Tell it to my face. I am SO sick of all the back-stabbing and lying.
Btw i am not just talking about Hagley friends this is about longer friends to, friends who I really trust.
Just tell me the truth, please thats all I ask.

'Sweet surprise I could get used to, unusual you'

So I am incredibly happy at the moment, well over the last few weeks. But 3 of my closest school friends just have me totally confused and some of them are lying, but I trust them all so how the hell am I meant to know what the truth is :S. All I know is that Heydn and I's relationship has been the talk of a few people and its really pissing me off. I hate being talked about, Its private and if I tell you something I don't expect you to go blabbing it to everyone! Your meant to be my friends. One person tells me one thing blaming it on someone else, then they blame it on someone etc. I only want friends I can trust. I absolutly hate being angry at people too, I just want everyone to be happy, so I wish they'd all just sort their shit out and leave Heydn and I ALONE.
Anyway, all I'll say is I never thought I'd find someone so flipping perfect for me, I havn't been this happy in a long time. I really can't believe it :).